A few years ago, I was in a place where challenges kept piling up, and nothing seemed to go in my favour. It was a season that tested both my faith and my character. A time when I hadn’t yet learned how to truly love myself.
The perfectionist in me kept beating the drums of the past, echoing reminders of what a failure I was. I searched for validation and worthiness through external means—approval from others, achievements in my work, and how the world perceived me.
It was exhausting.
Eventually, I reached a point where I woke up feeling numb—void of gratitude, void of self-love.
Many of you might relate. We’ve been taught that self-love is either selfish or superficial.
Selfish, in the sense that putting our needs first makes us “bad” or unkind.
Superficial, in the way it’s often reduced to bubble baths and skincare—comforts that may soothe the ego, but neglect the soul.
But what if self-love isn’t about appearances or approval?
What if it’s about how you extend yourself grace when life knocks you down?
What if self-love is transforming the inner critic into an inner champion—one who pushes you to rise through adversity instead of shrink beneath it?
What if self-love means being kind not just to others, but also to yourself?
Letting yourself rest without guilt.
Acknowledging the quiet strength it takes to keep moving forward—battle-scarred, but still standing.
I’ve learned that self-love isn’t about ego-care. It’s about soul-care.
It’s about the heart.
And I’ve learned that I couldn’t truly receive love—or expect it from others—until I first felt it for myself.
That was a hard truth to face, but it marked the beginning of my transformation—from someone who rejected pieces of herself to someone who now embraces herself fully and wholly.
If today’s reflections resonate with you, I hope they offer a spark.
I hope you begin to see that the greatest love of your life is the one staring back at you in the mirror.
You are not your past.
You are not what others think of you.
You are not your job title or your bank balance.
You are so much more than what meets the eye.
And above all, I hope you know—truly know—that you are worthy of being loved. Fully. Completely. Just as you are.
If you're ready to begin this journey, let's take that first step together—toward real, radical self-love.
From Judgment to Love: The Shift That Changes Everything
As we explore the biggest challenges that block self-love, it’s important to go even deeper—to the root of what keeps us stuck.
Underneath perfectionism, people-pleasing, past wounds, and comparison…
There’s often one common thread:
We’re looking at ourselves through the lens of judgment—
when what we need most is to return to the lens of love.
When you see yourself through the lens of judgment, it can sound like:
- “You’re not doing enough.”
- “You should’ve known better.”
- “Look at everyone else. Why are you still here?”
It’s the part of you that measures your worth by how much you achieve.
The part that defines your identity by your mistakes.
The part that whispers, “You’ll only be lovable when you’re perfect.”
The lens of judgment is harsh. It rarely offers space to breathe, to be, or to begin again.
And when we live inside that lens for long enough, it becomes hard to believe we deserve anything softer.
But what if the problem isn’t you?
What if it’s the lens?
What if healing begins by choosing a different way to see yourself?
The lens of love is radically different.
It meets you where you are and says:
- “It’s okay to be human.”
- “You’re allowed to rest.”
- “Even here, especially here, you are worthy.”
Love doesn’t wait for perfection.
It doesn’t hold your past against you.
It doesn’t compare you to anyone else.
Instead, it sees you with eyes of compassion—
especially in the moments you feel least deserving of it.
Where judgment isolates, love embraces.
Where judgment shames, love softens.
Where judgment says “You’re too much” or “Not enough”,
love says, “You are already whole.”
This is not about ignoring pain or pretending everything is fine.
This is about choosing a new response when pain shows up.
One that brings you closer to yourself, not further away.
Try this:
When you catch yourself thinking,
“I should be over this by now,”
Pause.
Place your hand on your heart.
And ask: “What does this part of me need right now—shame or softness?”
So often, it’s softness that helps us heal.
That softness is not weakness.
It’s love in motion.
You do not need to earn your worth.
You do not need to be perfect to be lovable.
You do not need to carry the weight of judgment to grow.
You are allowed to let love in—even now.
Even in your mess. Even in your doubt. Even in the parts of you that still feel unfinished.
This is the quiet revolution:
Turning toward yourself, again and again, with grace instead of criticism.
Seeing your reflection, not through the eyes of judgment, but through the eyes of love.
And maybe—just maybe—that’s how we begin to come home to ourselves.
Healing Through the Lens of Love: A New Way to Meet Your Inner Blocks
As we step into this next part of the journey, I invite you to do one thing:
