If you had to choose between spending a few minutes alone with your thoughts or receiving an electric shock to escape the discomfort, what would you pick?
A study conducted a decade ago found that most participants consistently preferred the shock over sitting quietly with their own thoughts. (Forbes).
Fast forward ten years—have we gotten any better at embracing stillness? Are we more comfortable with boredom, or do we still reach for distractions the moment things get quiet?
An estimated 4% of the global population currently experiences an anxiety disorder. In 2019, 301 million people worldwide were affected, making anxiety the most common mental health disorder. (World Health Organization).
So, what’s the takeaway here? How do we move past anxiety and learn to be at peace with our own thoughts?
The Power of Now in a Digital Age
Two weeks ago, I joined a book club in Brussels, where we discussed The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. The conversation was lively and insightful—we all agreed the book offered profound wisdom on how the mind works and how to work with it, rather than against it. But we also agreed that, like many spiritual teachings, it was repetitive, dense, and not always practical for the modern digital world.
Imagine life in prehistoric times—there were no screens, no social media feeds bombarding you with Lamborghinis, red carpet events, or Kardashians lookalikes flaunting their bodies. No algorithms designed to hijack your attention and fuel your fear of missing out so advertisers could profit.
Early humans had to be fully present for survival. If they were distracted while hunting, they could become prey themselves.
Our biology hasn’t changed much since then. Yet today, we exist in a world of instant gratification, trapped in an endless loop of escaping the present moment. And that, in my view, is why embracing The Power of Now is so difficult.
We’re constantly seeking external validation, waiting for something—a promotion, a relationship, a bank balance—to give us permission to feel peace. But when we rely on external conditions for internal happiness, we hand over control. It becomes a vicious cycle, postponing fulfillment indefinitely.
I know this struggle firsthand.
My Story of Escaping the Now
Our formative years shape our cognitive development and behavioral patterns. Between birth and age seven, our subconscious mind absorbs everything without logical reasoning. Experiences during this time form deep emotional imprints that can last a lifetime.
For example, I grew up with a phobia of spiders, insects, and mice—anything small, fast, and unpredictable. I had no memory of how it started, but every time I saw one, my heart raced. I would scan every room obsessively to feel safe.
It wasn’t until I completed my NLP Master Life Coach certification that I understood the root of my fear—and, more importantly, how to heal it. Most likely, I had witnessed an adult reacting with intense fear to these creatures and internalized that response. The perception of the spider triggered a modeled emotional reaction.
Through phobia reversal techniques, something miraculous happened. I still felt a twinge of fear, but it no longer controlled me. I stopped scanning rooms. A few years later, I could walk in the park, see a mouse or even a rat, and remain calm. When I encountered a spider, I no longer felt the impulse to kill it—I could gently move it outside instead.
That’s the power of reframing past experiences and diffusing emotional memories. When we release fear, we make space for new, empowering emotions rooted in love.
This is true for most of our traumas.
Even the deepest wounds—like abuse.
At six years old, I was abused by a family friend. For years, I carried that trauma in silence. As a young adult, I instinctively feared older men, especially in professional settings. Working at NATO, where older men surrounded me, was a constant, silent battle. I suppressed my emotions, pretending I was fine. But what we resist, persists.
Only when I actively forgave—when I chose to let go of the past and heal the wounds it left—did I begin to rewire my nervous system. I retrained myself to feel safe.
For years, my subconscious stored the belief that "older men are dangerous," embedding it deep within my behavioural patterns. This belief fuelled people-pleasing, staying small, and avoiding attention—all in an attempt to feel safe. I became hyper-vigilant, constantly scanning my environment for threats, unconsciously reinforcing my own escape from the present moment.
Healing changed everything. I chose to stop letting trauma define me. I learned to reparent my inner child, to give her the safety and love she had needed back then.
And that’s what today’s emotional intelligence strategies are all about—empowering you to heal, so fear no longer drives your life.
When we heal, we no longer carry the weight of the past like a heavy backpack full of stones. Instead, we become light—free to experience life with presence, purpose, and fulfillment.
Are you ready?
Let’s dive in.
A Six-Step Journey to Healing
For Those Who Carry Their Pain in Silence
If you’re reading this, know that you are not alone. Healing is not about “fixing” yourself—because you were never broken. It’s about learning how to release, how to reframe, and how to reclaim the power that your past may have taken from you.
This is your safe space. Let’s take this journey together, step by step.
