It was my tenth interview in two years. Nine rejections later, my self-confidence was in shambles. And yet, here I was again—trying to prove that I was capable and deserving of more.

When I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in the world, I assumed landing a promotion would be a no-brainer. I thought my credentials alone would fast-track me to success. What I didn’t realize was that I was about to embark on a rollercoaster ride—one that would drain me mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I told myself this was it. My last interview. My last attempt at securing a career that aligned with my skills and ambitions.

For me, the saying “third time’s a charm” didn’t apply. Even the tenth time was a battle before I finally received the promotion I had worked so hard for.

I went into that interview and gave it my all. Then came the waiting game. Little did I know that even after being anonymously selected, I’d have to endure yet another interview to prove I was worthy of the position. By then, I had no energy left. Still, I pushed forward, tapping into the last bit of confidence I could muster.

In the end, I passed. I stepped into a big role, doing what I loved for several years.

But something was missing.

Despite the title, despite the achievements, I kept overworking myself. I kept trying to prove I was worthy of the role I had already earned. In the process, I neglected my mental and physical health. I missed out on my son's first years.

Still, I kept going.

I could hear the voices of those who doubted me, whispering that I wasn’t capable, that I didn’t have what it took to carry such responsibility. I wanted to prove them wrong.

So I kept pushing, kept striving, kept achieving—until my body gave out.

That moment changed everything. My mind still wanted to fight, still wanted to prove something. But my body forced me to stop. To rest.

I had no choice but to face the uncomfortable truth: What was driving this relentless need to prove myself?

I wrestled with that question, but I wasn’t ready to accept the answer.

Six months later, I became an entrepreneur—once again determined to prove myself, this time by building my own business.

The thing about life is that when you ignore its whispers, it gets louder. It forces you to listen.

Then the pandemic hit.

Everything came to a halt. I was home, alone with my child, watching the world shut down. I had no safety net, no government aid—just me, trying to stay afloat.

That does something to you.

At that moment, I had a choice.

I could stay stuck in a victim mindset, telling myself that life was happening to me.

Or I could take my power back.

That was the day I decided: I am not a victim. I stopped waiting for external validation and finally tapped into my own confidence.

I chose to believe in myself, in my skills, in my vision.

And that decision changed everything.

For years, I had sabotaged myself, stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, shaped by past experiences, childhood conditioning, and the limiting beliefs others had projected onto me. I had been living in compliance with those old narratives—the ones that told me I wasn’t enough.

And for a long time, I believed them.

But when you hit rock bottom, and there’s no one there to lift you up, you have two options: sink or swim.

To swim, you need unshakable confidence.

Because life is like the ocean. Some days, the storm will test your resilience. Other days, the calm tides will give you space to rest. But no matter what, you have to trust yourself to keep swimming.

This week's edition is all about building unshakable confidence.

No matter your background, past experiences, or childhood wounds, you are not defined by them. You are defined by the decisions you make today—the ones that unlock the boldest, bravest, most confident version of yourself.

Are you ready to step into that version?

Let’s dive in.

What Is Confidence and How Do We Define It?

Confidence is the belief in your abilities, worth, and judgment. It is the inner trust that you can navigate challenges, make decisions effectively, and adapt to life’s uncertainties. Confidence is not about perfection or fearlessness—it’s about acting despite fear, setbacks, or external opinions.

According to research in psychology, confidence stems from self-efficacy (belief in one’s ability to succeed) and self-worth (recognizing one’s intrinsic value). It influences everything from career growth to personal fulfillment and mental well-being.

Psychological & Emotional Components of Confidence

🔹 Self-Efficacy – The belief that you can take action and influence outcomes. (Concept by psychologist Albert Bandura.)

🔹 Self-Worth – Knowing you are valuable regardless of achievements or external validation.

🔹 Resilience – The ability to recover from setbacks without losing belief in yourself.

🔹 Authenticity – Embracing who you are, without the need to prove yourself constantly.

🔹 Emotional Regulation – Managing self-doubt, fear, and anxiety so they don’t dictate your actions.

Types of Confidence

✔️ Situational Confidence – Feeling confident in specific skills or areas (e.g., public speaking, leadership, sports).

✔️ Core Confidence – A deep-rooted, internal belief in oneself that remains steady across different situations.

✔️ Social Confidence – Feeling comfortable in relationships, networking, and group settings.

✔️ Emotional Confidence – Trusting yourself to handle emotions and make decisions without being overwhelmed by fear or doubt.

Confidence vs. Arrogance

✅ Confidence = Self-assurance with humility and openness to growth.

❌ Arrogance = Inflated self-importance, often used to mask insecurity.

True confidence allows for continuous learning and self-improvement, whereas arrogance resists growth and feedback.

The Connection Between Confidence & Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Confidence is deeply linked to Emotional Intelligence (EQ) because it requires:

🔹 Self-Awareness – Recognizing your strengths, limits, and emotional triggers.

🔹 Self-Regard – Valuing yourself without needing external validation.

🔹 Stress Management – Staying composed under pressure.

🔹 Interpersonal Skills – Navigating relationships with trust, assertiveness, and emotional balance.

💡 Bottom Line: Confidence is not about never feeling doubt—it’s about acting despite it.

Overcoming Confidence Barriers

Practical Strategies

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you build through intentional action and habits transformation. It starts with becoming awareness to what is beneath the lack of confidence that fuels your insecurities. Too often we focus on replacing the bandaids instead of taking the time to heal our wounds properly.

That's why I listed nine practical strategies to help you overcome the most common confidence blockers with emotional intelligence.

Are you ready? Let's dive in into it!

1. Deep-Rooted Self-Doubt & Negative Self-Talk

Challenge: A persistent inner dialogue of “I’m not good enough” erodes confidence, often shaped by childhood conditioning, past failures, or societal expectations.

Strategy: The Thought Reprogramming Exercise

• Step 1: Identify Your Self-Talk Triggers – Pay attention to when and why self-doubt arises.
• Step 2: Challenge & Replace the Thought – Ask:
  • Is this objectively true? What proof do I have?
  • Replace it with a balanced, confident statement.
  • Example: "I’m not smart enough for this job." → "I am capable and always learning."
• Step 3: Daily Repetition – Confidence is built through consistent exposure to new self-beliefs. Write and recite your reframe daily.

💡EQ Tip: Self-awareness is key. Practicing self-regulation techniques like breath work or journaling can help disrupt automatic negative self-talk.

2. Fear of Judgment & Rejection

Challenge: Many avoid opportunities due to fear of criticism or public failure.

Strategy: The Rejection Exposure Framework

• Step 1: Reframe Rejection as Data, Not Failure – Instead of seeing rejection as proof of inadequacy, view it as feedback.
• Step 2: 7-Day Exposure Challenge – Proactively seek small, controlled rejections to build resilience. Examples:
  • Ask a mentor for advice.
  • Voice an opinion in a meeting.
  • Apply for a role even if you don’t meet all the criteria.
• Step 3: Review & Reflect – Journal each rejection experience, noting what you learned and whether it truly had negative consequences.

💡EQ Tip: Strengthening emotional resilience helps reframe rejection as a growth opportunity. Practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself as you would to a friend.

3. Imposter Syndrome

Challenge: High achievers often feel like frauds, fearing they don’t truly deserve their success.

Strategy: The “Evidence-Based Confidence” Exercise

• Step 1: Write a Confidence Resume – List 10 personal or professional achievements.
• Step 2: Identify Your Unique Contributions – For each, ask:
  • What specific skills, effort, or decisions led to this outcome?
  • This reinforces the reality that success is not accidental.
• Step 3: Shift from External to Internal Validation – Recognize that confidence doesn’t come from praise or titles—it comes from recognizing your own competence and growth.

💡 EQ Tip: Develop self-regard by acknowledging and accepting your accomplishments without dismissing them. Own your wins.

4. Past Failures & Emotional Baggage

Challenge: Many carry unresolved failures, letting them define future self-worth.

Strategy: The “Failure Reframing” Process

• Step 1: List Your Past Setbacks – Identify 3–5 significant failures.
• Step 2: Extract the Lessons – For each, ask:
  • What did this experience teach me?
  • How did I grow from it?
• Step 3: Apply the Growth Mindset Shift – Recognize that failure is not an identity but a learning tool.

💡 EQ Tip: Cultivating optimism is essential—train your brain to see setbacks as stepping stones rather than roadblocks.

5. Lack of Emotional Resilience

Challenge: Many struggle to recover from setbacks, leading to fragile confidence.

Strategy: The Emotional Resilience Routine

• Step 1: Build a "Resilience Ritual" – Identify a grounding practice that helps you process setbacks (journaling, exercise, meditation).
• Step 2: Develop a Resilience Response Plan – When a setback occurs:
  • Pause. Detach from immediate emotions.
  • Assess. What’s within my control?
  • Adjust. What’s the next best action?

💡 EQ Tip: Strengthen stress tolerance by practicing controlled discomfort—intentionally step into low-risk challenges to expand your resilience threshold.

6. Perfectionism & Fear of Mistakes

Challenge: Perfectionists tie self-worth to flawless execution, leading to procrastination and avoidance.

Strategy: The “Imperfect Action” Experiment

• Step 1: Set a 70% Rule – Instead of aiming for 100% perfection, commit to 70% completion before moving forward.
• Step 2: Take Imperfect Action Weekly – Choose one task per week where perfection isn’t the goal (e.g., sending an email draft without over-editing).
• Step 3: Track Progress, Not Perfection – Confidence builds through consistent execution, not flawless outcomes.

💡 EQ Tip: Strengthen flexibility by embracing mistakes as part of progress—perfectionism thrives on rigidity.

7. External Validation Dependence

Challenge: People often base their self-worth on external approval (social media likes, praise).

Strategy: The “Internal Validation Shift”

• Step 1: Limit External Validation Triggers – Reduce social media engagement for one week.
• Step 2: Self-Recognition Practice – Each day, write one thing you’re proud of that no one else saw.
• Step 3: Internal Decision-Making – For important decisions, ask:
  • Am I doing this for approval or because it aligns with my values?

💡 EQ Tip: Strengthen self-awareness by reflecting on your core values—true confidence comes from alignment, not external validation.

Final Thoughts

Confidence is not about waiting until you feel ready—it’s about taking action despite uncertainty. Each strategy above is designed to rewire limiting beliefs, shift emotional patterns, and develop self-trust.

Which one will you start practicing today?

Thank you for being part of the Heal with EQ Community and do let me know in the comments below what you think of this week's newsletter! Your voice matters!

With Love,

Nadja 💙 💖 💜

P.S. If you want to dive in deeper, check out our Thrive with EQ Community, a world of emotional intelligence and resiliency wisdom!