"Adam, stop crying!" That’s what I often tell my son—but not for the reasons you might think.
When Adam cries, his nose gets congested, and we end up spending hours trying to help him breathe so he can sleep at night.
But for many boys, the command not to cry comes for entirely different reasons:
- “You’re a boy; boys don’t cry.”
- “Men don’t cry.”
- “You’re strong—the man of the house! Don’t cry.”
These phrases might seem harmless, but they carry lasting consequences. They tell boys that expressing emotions is a weakness, leaving them to bottle up their feelings and suffer in silence.
Even young girls aren’t immune to such messaging, depending on their upbringing and family culture.
The Invisible Weight of Gendered Expectations
My father, may he rest in peace, rarely showed emotions labeled “feminine,” like sadness or vulnerability. Yet emotions considered “manly” or “powerful,” like anger, were acceptable for him to express.
This emotional divide wasn’t unique to my father; it’s a reflection of societal expectations that have, for generations, harmed men’s mental health.
I love how Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett explains the science of how emotions are made and how they impact our mental health. If you’re unfamiliar with her work, I encourage you to start here: Watch her video.
As a mother raising a son, I refuse to let societal standards or stereotypes dictate how I teach him to process his emotions. Like all of us, Adam carries both masculine and feminine energy. Yet society often pushes us to suppress one side or the other, depending on what’s deemed acceptable.
This week, I’m reflecting on how emotional intelligence can empower men to navigate these challenges, helping them build a higher quality of life—one where they communicate openly, embrace vulnerability, and stop suffering in silence.
Let’s break the stigma together.
A Trigger Warning
Some readers might feel that focusing on men’s mental health overlooks women’s struggles or feminism. That’s not my intention.
Yes, women have endured systemic suffering under patriarchy, and many still do. But gender blame alone will not help us evolve as a society. My focus is on our shared humanity.
There are men of high integrity lifting others up and leading with compassion, just as there are women breaking barriers and inspiring change. Conversely, there are individuals—regardless of gender—who, unable to alchemize their pain, perpetuate harm.
Healing isn’t about ignoring systemic accountability—it’s about freeing ourselves from the cycles of emotional suffering that harm us all. And in a world where men’s suicide rates are nearly twice as high as women’s, it’s time to acknowledge that men’s mental health matters too.
Emotional Intelligence Tools for Men’s Mental Health
Think of your IQ as the elevator of life. Your EQ (Emotional Quotient) determines whether that elevator moves up or down.
✔ IQ helps you think strategically.
✔ EQ helps you build trust, connect, and adapt.
Emotional intelligence is a cornerstone for thriving personally and professionally. It’s not about suppressing emotions; it’s about managing them before they manage you.
Let’s explore the 15 pillars of emotional intelligence through practical strategies to help men navigate mental health challenges.
