The Question That Started It All
“I am struggling with perfectionism, Nadja. How do I get over that? How do I let go of the need to please, to overachieve, and finally feel content with where I am now?”
This question landed in my inbox recently, and it struck a deep chord within me.
It wasn’t just a question—it was a mirror.
For years, I struggled with perfectionism. The constant drive to prove myself, to achieve more, to be flawless, felt like an invisible chain. No matter what I accomplished, it was never enough.
I’d like to say I’ve completely let go of that perfectionist streak, but healing isn’t linear, and self-awareness is a lifelong practice. What I can say is that the once-deafening voice inside me, whispering “You’ll never be enough,” has softened.
These days, I hear a different whisper. One that gently affirms:
“You are more than enough.”
This week’s EQ Oasis Newsletter is dedicated to sharing how I transformed the emotional pain of perfectionism into personal power. I’m here to remind you:
You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy. You are already enough.
If you’re ready to step off the hamster wheel of overachievement and embrace your authentic self, let’s dive in.
The Hidden Wounds of Perfectionism
Where It Begins
Perfectionism is often born from our childhood experiences. For me, it started as a middle child, constantly comparing myself to my elder siblings.
At school, it was the need to prove I belonged in a system that seemed designed to exclude me.
In my career, it manifested as an endless drive to overachieve—hoping that each milestone would silence the void inside me.
That void whispered: “You’re not good enough. You have to do more. Be more.”
But no matter how much I accomplished, the void remained.
What Perfectionism Costs Us
On the surface, perfectionism can look like a good thing—ambition, dedication, excellence. But underneath, it often hides deep insecurities and fear of failure.
It’s exhausting. It erodes our confidence. And it keeps us stuck in a cycle of self-criticism, anxiety, and burnout.
“Perfectionism isn’t about striving for excellence; it’s about trying to earn your worth through what you do.”
It took years of self-reflection, therapy, and emotional intelligence practices to understand this truth:
My worth was never tied to my achievements. My worth has always been inherent.
From Perfectionism to Peace: My Personal Journey
In recent years, I’ve embraced a simpler, more intentional way of living. This shift wasn’t just about decluttering my wardrobe or downsizing my goals—it was about redefining my relationship with myself.
I used to think external accomplishments would fill the void inside me. Fashion bags, designer clothes, fancy sunglasses—I let these things define my image.
But when the pandemic hit and life became stripped down to its essentials, I realized how little those things mattered. What I needed wasn’t external validation—it was internal alignment.
These days, I walk around in a simple poncho raincoat from Decathlon when it rains (and it rains a lot here in Belgium). I no longer dress to impress—I dress to express who I am: someone at peace with herself.
The Tram Story: A Lesson in Emotional Mastery
Let me share a story that perfectly encapsulates my journey.
