Embrace the Journey: Healing Perfectionism and Overachieving

“I am struggling with perfectionism, Nadja. How do I get over that? How do I let go of the need to please, to overachieve, and finally feel content with where I am now?”

This was a question I received recently while teaching emotional intelligence, and it resonated deeply. It’s a question I grappled with for years, ever since childhood.

A perfectionist is someone who holds excessively high personal standards and engages in overly critical self-evaluations. They strive for flawlessness, accepting nothing less. This drive often manifests as harsh self-criticism, criticism of others, and the need to control situations or people.

For me, it stemmed from being the middle child, constantly comparing myself to my elder siblings.

It was the result of feeling like an outlier in school, working hard to fit into a system that never truly accepted me.

It manifested as overachieving in every aspect of my life, hoping my accomplishments would finally fill the deep void inside—a void that whispered persistently:

‘You will never be enough.’

But today, that voice has changed. It now whispers: ‘You are more than enough.’

What we often fail to realize is that parts of us remain emotionally stuck, still carrying the wounds of a young child who felt unseen, the young adult who was never accepted, and the professional who had to overachieve to be taken seriously. When we don’t acknowledge, validate, and release these negative emotions, they keep fueling the belief that we aren’t enough. Subconsciously, this can drive us to perfectionism and overachievement.

This week’s EQ Oasis Newsletter is dedicated to sharing how I transformed these negative emotions into a source of personal power, turning my pain into purpose. The only voice I hear now is:

‘You are more than enough.’

If this is the voice you wish to hear too, I invite you to join me on a journey of inner exploration within the safe and supportive space of the EQ Oasis.

Transforming Emotional Pain into Personal Power

I’ve embraced a minimalist approach to life in recent years. There was a time when fashion bags, designer clothes, and my Gucci sunglasses defined my image. Whenever the sun peeked through, out came the big Gucci shades. I loved flaunting material things. Then, as I transitioned into entrepreneurship—learning to manage taxes and adapting to life outside the NATO bubble—I realized it was time to live below my means, not above them.

The pandemic was a turning point that put my resilience to the test. Suddenly, fashion items and designer clothes lost their importance as I struggled to meet my basic needs. As difficult as that period was, it taught me the true value of life and what really matters.

Nowadays, I walk around with a simple poncho raincoat from Decathlon when it rains in Belgium—and it does rain often. But if you forget to air out your raincoat, it can develop an unpleasant smell. On one of those rainy mornings, I had to drop my son off at school. Despite his feedback about the smell, I decided to wear my new perfume for the day, called in French: ‘Je m’en fous’ (I don’t care).

After dropping him off, I hopped on the tram and sat next to a group of teenage girls. One of them, clearly the leader of the group, gave me a look of disdain and stood up. She didn’t want to sit next to me, and they all started laughing, casting judgmental glances my way.

But something amazing happened—my nervous system remained calm, cool, and collected. I couldn’t have cared less about their provocation. I stayed grounded and refused to lower myself to their level of emotional immaturity. Why surrender my power to someone else’s unrefined behavior?

Eventually, they moved away, and I continued on my way, unbothered.

Now, as a Sagittarius Sun, I embody love, light, and positivity—I cherish inner peace! But I’m also a Scorpio Rising, and as my son wisely pointed out the other day:

‘Mom, when you sting like a Scorpio, people aren’t ready for it. They love playing games, but when you decide to play back, they end up Googling how to stop playing.’

I smiled and replied, ‘That goes for you too, mon amour!’

When I got off the tram, I left the girls behind, unprepared and confused—without a word or gesture of violence. The look on their faces was priceless. I then removed my poncho and tossed it in the bin—the smell had become unbearable—and bought myself a new coat. No designer label this time, but it would do.

What’s the moral of this story?

Imagine holding two bottles in your hands—one filled with water, the other with soda. If you shake the soda bottle hard enough and open it, it explodes. But no matter how hard you shake the water bottle, it remains calm when opened.

That’s true power in life—when your nervous system is regulated, and you learn to flow like water.

We all carry emotional triggers from past experiences that we haven’t yet resolved, turning us into those volatile soda bottles. We often explode at the wrong moments, only to be labeled as too emotional, unprofessional, or unpredictable. In reality, it’s those trapped triggers in our system that need to be healed and released.

This journey is one I write and speak about extensively because I genuinely believe that when we heal our emotional triggers, we become more compassionate, more understanding, and less judgmental. We become more present, and less absent. We evolve into better human beings—not because something was wrong with us, but because we’re no longer controlled by our emotions. Instead, we become their master.